Everyone experiences significant life changes at some point. Whether good or bad, these events can lead to a season of uncertainty. Both the body and mind become accustomed to consistency, and significant interruptions can have tangible physical, mental, and emotional consequences. For practitioners who offer therapy in D.C., a few life events often bring people to their offices: marriage, the birth of a child, a child’s graduation or wedding, divorce, job loss, and the death of a loved one. These are just a few common examples of the various impactful life changes that individuals struggle to cope with constructively.
The good news is that therapy is a powerful tool for recovering from life’s many surprises. In addition, the skills learned from therapy apply to more than just a single, specific event; as a person continues to develop, grow, and encounter new challenges, their therapeutic practices will continue to serve them well. In order to understand how therapy can help you and what you can expect, it is helpful to learn why life changes are so disruptive in the first place.
Why Major Life Changes Are So Disorienting
If something significant has changed in your life, it is completely normal to feel unmoored, frustrated, or even hopeless. Even positive changes, such as getting married, can come with a sense of malaise. The reason behind this is both physiological and psychological.
Removing a sense of control
One of the primary reasons major life changes can cause mood shifts and other symptoms is that you sense a loss of control over a situation. If a person you love passes away, you may feel as though the world is moving too fast: too fast for you to handle their estate before certain deadlines, too fast to mourn before you have to return to work and resume other responsibilities, and more.
Similarly, changes such as job loss can leave you feeling powerless. You have no control over whether your employer chooses to fire you, and you cannot dictate whether a new employer hires you. This lack of power can lead to both emotional overload and cognitive strain.
Emotional overload, in which a person feels overwhelmed by “too many” emotions at once or experiences feelings that are stronger than normal, can lead to burnout. The strain on the mind to cope with all these feelings can lead a person to become trapped in cyclical thinking, resulting in a further sense of loss of control.
Questioning identity
People often define themselves in relation to others and the roles they play in the world. Jim is Jim, but Jim is also a firefighter and a father. If Jim were to lose his job or his son passed away, he would be losing a significant piece of the puzzle that makes him feel like himself.
Major life changes may impact your sense of identity. If you get married, who are you now that you are permanently tied to another person? Without a strong sense of self, it is common to flounder, lose purpose, and feel a sense of ennui.
Causing stress
Stress is the body’s response to what it perceives to be a threat. A job loss, for example, can lead directly to income challenges, which threaten your long-term security, safety, and ability to flourish. In response, the sympathetic nervous system (responsible for fight-or-flight) fires, injecting adrenaline and cortisol, the stress hormone, to give you the energy and focus you need to get out of danger.
The problem arises when significant events occur and cannot be “resolved” or processed quickly. The body goes into a long-term stressed state, which can result in exhaustion and even physical problems, such as high blood pressure and strokes.
How Therapy Gives You the Tools You Need
Significant changes in your life can cause a cascade of effects, and you are not weak or burdensome if you experience them. However, it is important to address the issue directly so that you can overcome it and return to a purposeful, fulfilled life. Therapy is an effective tool for doing so.
Cognitive behavioral therapy challenges your thoughts
CBT, or cognitive behavioral therapy, is the cornerstone of many therapeutic practices. It can teach you to challenge the way you think and reframe your ideas into ones that serve you.
For example, suppose someone you love recently passed away. You may be experiencing thoughts such as:
- “How will I do anything if they’re not here?”
- “Couldn’t I have done more?”
- “I am so stupid for never having said [a certain thing].”
These thoughts are entirely normal. However, dwelling on them can cause a negative downward spiral, as these mental habits do not serve you. Cognitive behavioral therapy can teach you how to confront these thoughts directly, accepting their truth and value without eroding your own wellness.
Therapists practicing CBT may encourage you to reframe these thoughts:
- Replace “How will I do anything if they’re not here?” with “They taught me so many things. I can remember them well by using those skills to move forward on my own. I can ask for help when I need it.”
- Instead of asking, “Couldn’t I have done more?” remind yourself, “I loved [this person]. Many of these circumstances were outside of my control. I did what I believed was best with the information I had.”
- Rather than fixating on the notion, “I am so stupid for never having said [a certain thing],” reframe your self-talk with, “I am upset with myself because I cared so much. That is not something to be ashamed of. My actions and words throughout our relationship said a lot.”
This practice can help bring closure, reduce stress, and break overwhelming cognitive strain into more digestible pieces.
Mindfulness builds stability of self
Therapists often focus on mindfulness practices, such as deep breathing or journaling. It is common to lose yourself during a period of transition, and these practices can help to reconnect you with who you are, what you value, and what you want.
For example, suppose you just lost your job. You might spend time each morning practicing mindful breathing: four seconds in, hold for four seconds, four seconds out, hold for four seconds. This routine helps decrease cerebral overactivity, reducing stress and allowing you to carry less tension. From here, you are better equipped to make informed choices and reflect on the event from a calm perspective. You may approach job applications with renewed hope and interest, or you may treat yourself kindly as you rest between employment.
Education provides power
A therapist can teach patients about how their own bodies work. By being able to name processes or ideas, you can understand why you feel the way you do and regain some of the control you may feel you have lost during the life event.
Suppose that your only child has moved away for college, and you have found yourself increasingly upset. The house is empty, and they do not call as often as you would like.
A therapist can help you break down how you feel into practical, actionable words:
“My heart rate is high. I am having a hard time finding enjoyment in things I used to. I tend to have more negative thoughts about my child than positive ones. I feel frustrated.”
These are all valuable descriptors of what is going on. The therapist can then help you break down the individual elements into more useful ideas:
“Why am I no longer enjoying my favorite things? Maybe it’s because I’m spending more time thinking about my child than I am thinking about my own daily life.”
From there, therapists may help you adjust your expectations, develop actionable plans to amend your daily routine, and more. All of these new tasks will help you cope more effectively with this noticeable change that has uprooted your life.
SMART planning reduces stress
In the case of life events that require significant adjustment, such as moving in with a new spouse, therapists can help you plan in a SMART way:
- S (Specific): Instead of “pick a day to move,” try “pick three dates and agree which one works best, then clear the schedule that day.”
- M (Measurable): Instead of “move my stuff in,” try “move one box each day until everything is moved.”
- A (Achievable): Instead of “unpack,” try “pick four boxes each to unpack this week.”
- R (Relevant): Instead of “put things where they belong,” try “make a sketched-out plan of where items go, then move them into those locations so we can organize them later.”
- T (Time-Bound): Instead of “cancel the utilities,” try “contact the utility companies 14 days before the move to give them time to disconnect services.”
A therapist can help you set SMART goals so you can give your brain some rest. You will not need to hold all this information inside if you create a plan.
Therapists offer catharsis
Sometimes, a substantial part of what a person needs when experiencing a major life change is just someone to listen. Therapists make great listeners, and the emotional catharsis achieved by simply sharing your story and asking rhetorical questions can almost immediately reduce arousal in the autonomic nervous system.
Do Not Fear Major Life Changes Thanks to Therapy
Life brings major changes, but that does not mean you have to become trapped under the emotional and psychological weight of them. Contact Aquila Recovery Clinic to get help from individual therapy, whether you are encountering a job change, loss of a loved one, or even a return to your old responsibilities after recovery from addiction.