Many people think of therapy as an opportunity to articulate their feelings, and while this may be true, it is much more than that. Individual therapy is a valuable resource that enables patients to acquire new and invaluable skills from a professional, with the therapy space serving as a safe environment in which to practice those abilities.
For many, seeking therapy is an important step in responding to trauma or the challenges of life. These burdens may have an undue effect on a person’s ability to flourish and succeed. Someone may believe they are “coping” well in that they can complete the basic tasks for survival, but flourishing involves much more. Therapy provides effective coping strategies that work not just for the challenges a person is addressing in therapy but in life as a whole.
Understanding Coping
Coping is a commonly misunderstood phenomenon that many assume simply means “handling” their challenges and making it through each day. However, coping extends beyond survival; it includes successfully overcoming obstacles with skill and resilience.
Imagine, for example, a person who survived a traumatic car accident. They are experiencing trauma that causes immense fear, such as the fear of leaving the house, because they believe they are unsafe. Just because they manage to eat meals every day and pay their bills does not mean they are coping; they are surviving.
Coping, in this instance, involves gradually increasing confidence until the person can leave their home and accomplish their goals. This progress requires skills to mitigate stress, address upsetting thought patterns, and recontextualize stimuli. Therapy establishes a safe environment for learning and practicing these essential skills.
Lifelong Coping Strategies Gained in Therapy
Developing coping skills can help you live the life you want to live. However, coping successfully is not a one-and-done project; some days will be better than others. In addition, you will likely face challenges beyond the one(s) that brought you to therapy in the first place. That is why acquiring an entire toolbox of skills can help increase your chances of success throughout your life.
Some of the most effective coping strategies you can learn in therapy are powerful because they are universally applicable; they offer a framework to help you confidently approach your current struggles and any other difficulties that come your way in the future. These skills include:
Self-Talk
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the most common approaches to individual treatment, and for good reason. It is often a talk-focused approach that challenges how a person interacts with their inner monologue and the world around them. CBT is an effective method of adjusting a person’s self-talk.
Self-talk is how you treat yourself. When you make a mistake, do you criticize yourself for being clumsy, stupid, or worthless? Or do you find reasons to appreciate your efforts anyway? Self-talk is the linchpin for success or failure in many situations, and therapy is an invaluable opportunity to learn how to improve it and even turn it into an asset.
However, many people resist the concept of positive self-talk because it feels like a lie. If you accidentally delete your company’s entire payroll database, you may argue that doing so (even on accident) was foolish, and any attempt to recontextualize that into something more favorable is disingenuous.
That was a terrible mistake; I can’t believe I did that. That was so stupid of me. How was I not smart enough to see what I was doing?
This is likely where many people start. However, CBT teaches that acknowledging reality and positive self-talk are not mutually exclusive. Therapy can adjust this self-talk into something that serves you without compromising on the truth:
I made a mistake. Humans make mistakes, even big ones. I am smart and resourceful, so I can learn how to fix this problem. I’ll adapt and fix what I did.
If you would not say that your friend was stupid for making this mistake, why would you say it to yourself?
Labeling
Another essential tool in your therapy arsenal is practicing labeling. It can be difficult to address your feelings if you aren’t able to name them.
Both emotional and physical responses can be labeled to great benefit. For example, suppose that someone cuts you off in traffic, and you are getting ready to drive up close behind them and blast your horn. Therapy can help you break this situation down into its parts:
“What am I feeling?”
- I am angry. My plans (driving as I expected) were interrupted.
- My blood pressure and heart rate are high. I am not calm right now.
- I think that the other driver doesn’t care about anyone else. That thought is not helping me accomplish anything right now.
This process, known as affect labeling, has been shown to decrease the brain’s reactivity to specific situations or stimuli. It can help you get back on track (that is, cope successfully) after unexpected or unpleasant events.
Regulation
Another essential coping strategy taught in therapy is emotional regulation. This skill involves understanding your emotions by labeling them, allowing yourself to feel them, and then taking appropriate action.
Let’s return to the example about being cut off in traffic. Once you have labeled your experience (anger, elevated heart rate, etc.), it is time to regulate your reaction. There are two common ways to do so:
Cognitive reappraisal: Adjust your understanding of the situation’s meaning. Instead of “they are so selfish for driving however they want,” try “perhaps they are experiencing an emergency and need to get to the hospital,” or “maybe I was in their blind spot.”
Acceptance: Acknowledge what happened and move on. “Well, that was frustrating. It’s over now, and all I can do about it is keep driving safely.”
Breathing
Individual therapists often teach breathing exercises as a way to decompress and keep the body calm despite challenges, stress, or intense emotions.
When a stressor occurs (such as the anger from being cut off while driving), the body’s sympathetic nervous system is activated. The SNS controls the fight-or-flight response and prepares the body to respond to the danger at hand. Deep breathing calms the sympathetic nervous system by telling the body that the situation is not a threat. It stretches out the diaphragm, stopping the body from taking short, quick breaths.
Box breathing is one common method. Perform each action for four seconds:
- Breathe in
- Hold
- Breathe out
- Hold
Grounding
Grounding means centering your attention on the present moment. When your thoughts are racing, it can be challenging to make smart choices or stay focused on what you are doing.
Suppose that you are sitting at home after your encounter with the driver who swerved in front of you. Your brain is flashing through the memories, and you get frustrated again. Why did the driver do that? You imagine what an accident might have looked like if the driver were only a few feet closer to you. Thinking about being in a car accident fills you with anxiety.
This moment presents a great opportunity to ground yourself. A therapist can teach you how to pay attention to your immediate surroundings using strategies like the Five Senses method. Find something around you to stimulate each of your five senses. In other words, look for something to see, hear, smell, taste, and touch.
This practice allows you to release negative emotions associated with the past or the future and focus entirely on the present. You see colorful birds outside the window, you feel the cold, smooth pen in your hand, and you smell the clean air from the air purifier in your home. You taste the mint from the gum you had earlier, and you hear the steady sound of your breathing. Grounding can prevent your thoughts from escalating and becoming overwhelming.
Communication
Communication is another coping skill that therapists often emphasize. Many people encounter more struggles than they need to because they do not communicate effectively.
If your boss contacts you every time you take a day off to tell you the company is short-staffed and you need to come in, “coping” does not mean taking a deep breath and capitulating to their request. It often means setting a firm boundary: “I took time off today, which was approved. I will not be coming in.”
Some people need help being more assertive. Others need guidance on becoming more empathetic or humble in their communication. Regardless of your goals, improving your ability to communicate with others can help you adapt whenever situations change.
Problem-Solving
In terms of how often you use your coping strategies, problem-solving is one of the most useful. You solve problems every day, and being able to do so competently can make big challenges much more digestible.
Two of the most common prongs of problem-solving that therapy addresses are conflict resolution and task management:
- Conflict resolution: How do you diffuse a situation, ideally so that all parties walk away with no harm? If harm is unavoidable, how do you mitigate it?
- Task management: This monumental task seems daunting; how do you break it down into smaller, more manageable steps?
These skills can turn even significant challenges and tense interactions into approachable situations.
Strengthen Your Resilience Through Individual Therapy
If you think that therapy is meant to address a single problem and then leave you hanging, think again. The coping strategies you learn in therapy are broadly applicable and will serve you for the rest of your life. Contact Aquila Recovery Clinic to schedule an individual therapy session and experience the difference it can make.